Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
