watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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