just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize