why didn't you poke me back
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize