you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
