I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
