Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
