He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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