shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
