You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
