There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
