I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
