Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
