Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
