I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
