The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize