so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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