why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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