I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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