why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
