We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
