lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
