and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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