You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
