Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
