did you get engaged???
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
