Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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