As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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