He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we have officially lost it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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