I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He passed out mid-signature
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
