Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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