I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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