i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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