someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
