I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
