Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
