Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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