soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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