FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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