If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
