Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
