I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
