if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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