i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
