just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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