So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
