My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
