Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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