I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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