Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
