I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
