If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
