The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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