sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
