Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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