I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
