If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just threw up on my dentist
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
