ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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