Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
