WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
