Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
