Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
