I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
