you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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