My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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