Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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